So, last night I take a bag of trash out to the dumpster. Just a routine, throw the trash away, sort of trip. This dumpster is a big, complex sized, trash compactor. It's hydrolically operated. You throw your trash bags into the open bin on one side, then push a button and a huge, square, 5 foot by 4 foot sized piston slowly and relentlessly compacts all the garbage from the bin into the compactor. Its pretty neat to watch. Gianluca and I always throw our trash into the bin and then I lift him up on the edge so he can see and let him push the button. It smells pretty bad, but it is worth it to see all the trash get smashed to a pulp :)
I've thrown some pretty cool stuff into this dumpster. Drawers, small dressers, everything gets pulverized! I once threw a whole toilet in there. I'm talking about the water closet on the back, seat and pedestal - everything. That piston just smashed the heck out of the whole thing! Ahhrrrr!!!
So I throw my trash into the bin. But somebody before me has already thrown a whole box spring and mattress set into the dumpster,and this has not compacted all the way. The piston has partially broken up and pushed the box spring down into the compactor, but not all the way. I think this will pretty cool to watch this stuff get all smashed up. So I push the button. It pushes the box spring in a little further, but the box spring and mattress are sticking up at an angle and slip up over the piston.
Now I really want to see this box spring and mattress get smashed. But it is sitting up at an angle and the piston cannot quite catch onto it. When the piston returns to start and quits, I climb up into the trash bin and jump up and down on the top of the mattress to push it down. I only need to push it down about a foot. I try it again - no luck. Climb back into the trash bin, jump up and down on the mattress and bags of trash - kind of gross - the bags of trash keep rolling over into me as I jump up and down. But, if I can see this whole thing get smashed, it will be worth it. So, I try this whole scenario about three times - each time jumping up and down on the mattress and trash a little bit harder than I think I did the time before. Besides, its 11:00 at night. Nobody sees me. This will be worth it!
Finally, after about 4 times, I just say, the heck with it!! I need to do something else with my life besides jumping up and down on bags of trash. I quit! I climb down out of the bin and UH OOH! UUUHH OOOOOOHHH - my cell phone is not in its holster! Well..., as much as I would like to think otherwise..., its obvious where my cell phone is... Stay calm, its alright, don't panic... So, I climb back into the dumpster and start rooting around through the trash bags on top of the mattress. I can't find it anywhere. I'm getting a bad feeling... this short trip to the dumpster is starting to go terribly wrong. I decide I should go back to the apartment and get Christa's cell phone to call mine and listen for the ringtone (I really hope I did not leave my cell phone on vibrate mode).
About then three girls come up with their bags of garbage and, just as they are about to throw them in, they spot me standing in the dark in the trash compactor. After their first startled screams, I explain the situation and ask them to just set their garbage to the side while I go get another cell phone. Kind of embarrasing to be standing in the middle of the trash dumpster around midnight. Oh hi girls - don't be afraid - I'm really a mostly normal sort of person - I just happen to be standing in the middle of the trash dumpster in the middle of the night.
Very graciously the one girl says she will be glad to call my cell phone for me. They probably just want to watch me root around through the gargage... Anyway, she calls my number and I can hear my phone ringing. But, it is ringing from somewhere down underneath the mattress and box springs in the bowells of the dumpster.
I guess a strange look must have crossed my face about then because they immediately looked very concerned and asked me what was the matter. Nothing I guess - I'm just not looking foward to crawling down under the box springs into the bottom of the dumpster to grope around for my phone.
Its really hard to get down under the box springs. I have to force it up, squeeze down through in front of it, and then it springs back into place over top of me. So now I'm completely down under the mattress, box springs and bags of garbage, in the pitch black. The girl is calling my cell phone and I can hear it ringing somewhere down here. But I can't find it! I can hear it ringing next to me, and I've felt all over the bottom of the dumpster in the dark on my hands and knees. But no phone. All kinds of gross and funny feeling things down here, but nothing shaped like a phone. I gingerly probe my fingers into all the corners and over all the unknown small lumpy things. I really hope there's no open diapers, rotten meat or anything that moves. I've groped every small, nasty, dumpster bottom piece of crud at least three times. Now it sounds like its over my head. So I start feeling around in the insides of the mangled box springs. Now it sounds like its up high, but off to one side. It can't be, that's impossible, I'm obviously becoming disoriented in the smelly, dark, pit of the dumpster. I futilly grope the bottom of the dumpster in grim detail a couple more times. I can't give up because I can hear it right next to me! This is crazy! How difficult can this be!! Finally I realize that my phone had become lodged on top of the piston when it slid back into the initial resting spot. By breaking off a piece of wood from the box springs I finally manage to fish the phone out from the top of the piston. Its not easy to get back out either! I had to get the top of myself out, then hand off the phone to the girl who climbed into the dumpster to take it, and then pull the rest of myself out from under the garbage.
Well, pretty exciting. Guess I'll take my cell phone off next time I jump on the garbage :)